Saturday, September 3, 2011

all about evelyn.

We've been "home" three days now--it's been such a beautiful and hard whirlwind of events. I hope we can remember and recall enough for you guys to get an idea of our entire time in Seoul (watch for a separate post on our trip) and all the emotions and ups and downs we've been on and are still going through.  Thank you for your supportive comments and prayers...we've really been so encouraged through this time and feel so much support from all over.
Evelyn is doing really really well.  Man, I don't even know where to begin and don't want to repeat myself when we go back and recall our time in Seoul but really want you to get an idea of where we're at as a family of FOUR :)
When we picked Evelyn up on Monday afternoon she seemed to easily warm up to us and even fell asleep in our arms before leaving the agency to our hotel.  Once we were at the hotel she took a nice long deep nap but... when she woke up she was very afraid and very confused. Our poor Sweet Pea was looking all around and crying and then would look up at our faces and cry harder as if to say, who the heck are you and why did you bring me here?  We were feeling a bit broken knowing there was nothing we could really do to console her because this was the beginning of her world changing.  Such a hard thing to think about as a parents, breaking your baby's heart and bringing so much confusion and chaos to bring them home.  Shortly after her nap we went outside and got out on the town a bit.  She was instantly content to be in the baby carrier and was happy the whole time we sat and chatted at the coffee shop.  Through the night she slept soundly and really just acted like a champ - we were thoroughly impressed.
 
The following day was the LONG travel day.  Let's just say, by the time we arrived in Spokane we had been up and traveling for over 40 hours. It was slightly brutal.  I think the Lord had extra tender mercy for us during those long hours and gave Evelyn some extra melatonin to sleep well!  She slept on and off the whole travel "day" and ate pretty good and seemed to be semi content to play with us on the airplanes.  
When we first met Evelyn she seemed more drawn to David but sometime during those 40 hours she shifted her favor over to her Mama.  I would use the restroom and come back to find my daughter in tears and my husband eager to hand her back over to help appease her and stop the screaming and crying.  It was surprising that she seemed so partial and still is today.  It's a lot of pressure for me to be her favorite and I'm feeling such a loss because I'm holding Evelyn most of the time and I'm really really missing Norah but... on the other hand, David feels sad that she doesn't favor him and just gets frustrated that she sees me and wants out of his arms right away!
Since being back in Spokane we've had to hit the ground running a bit - we got both girls into the doctor, had our first post-placement visit and tried to get some rest in between.  Both the doctor and post-placement visit went well.  At the doctor we learned that Evelyn weighs in at 22 lbs and Norah at 23 lbs!  Even though they are close in weight Norah fits into 2T clothes and Evelyn fits into 12 month, she's a bit shorter than Norah.  Evelyn also has 14 teeth but doesn't yet seem to know how to use them.  We're slowly working on her learning to chew solid foods.  We've also been working on see a few friends so David can say his final good-bye's but trying to lay low as much as possible.
In Korea it is the norm for most families to co-sleep with their children.  So, when you adopt from Korea most, if not all, children have been co-sleeping with their foster parents. We aren't against co-sleeping but, it's very hard to come into that role during a major transition for a child and be totally exhausted ourselves.  This has been the biggest challenge so far.  The first two nights Evelyn slept like a champ and we did too.  The last few nights have been less than stellar.  Evelyn has been tossing and turning and grunting and laying all over us. We know it could be the jet lag for her and we're glad she's not wide awake at 3am ready to play but the movement is keeping us up.  We are really craving a very good night's sleep.  Also, she has a sweet habit of rubbing something to put herself to sleep - it's mostly been our arms or face and so while we're trying to sleep in bed she's next to us rubbing our arms or back and keeping us up.  Again, co-sleeping is a great thing for attachment and comfort and we're going to try and stick it out until we get settled in Germany (since there are so many changes ahead still) but, I'm praying for great rest for us all.  One more thing on this topic - we even have to hold her or lay with her for naps so it just seems like we can't get a break to be together (David and I) or just have some alone time.  I hope this section doesn't sound complainant, this is just part of the major adjustment we're challenged with right now.

When we arrived back in Spokane and Norah met Evelyn it was very sweet.  Norah looked over at Evelyn (more like she stared) and just said "sister."  She totally connected the pictures of Evelyn to reality and it was so wonderful.  She has been mostly avoiding Evelyn and sometimes trying to get in-between Evelyn and whichever parent has her just to remind Evelyn that she was here first.  But, today she gave Evelyn a few toys and sat nicely with her to watch a cartoon :)  Norah has giving Evelyn a few hugs and many kisses so she definitely knows how to give some love.  Also, if Evelyn isn't in the room Norah is saying "sister?" and wondering where she is - we love that awareness and hope it grows into more and more affection and friendship.
The last three nights I've cried while we're laying bed (don't worry Evelyn slept though that part!).  Everything just keeps on coming at us, there seems to be no break but... that's not totally true!  We'll all be together in Germany soon but... then again, we'll be gone from Spokane and all the love and support surrounding us here- yes, this is part of the turmoil and heartache that is causing the tears. We're grieving and celebrating so many changes for our family; it's a bit confusing to process all the conflicting emotions.  David needs to get back to work this coming week so please keep him in your prayers as he leave us and tries to get on  another military flight home to Germany.  We are grateful the Air Force has given him 21 days of adoption leave but it's been a bit of a bummer that 10 of those days will have been for travel - poor David.

10 comments:

Melissa said...

Kelly, she's beautiful! Will pray you get some sleep!
MP

nateshorb said...

we're rooting for you guys! i can appreciate your tears, though not for the exact same reasons, for very similar ones. i really hope we can meet up with you soon in europe and offer as much support as possible once you arrive here. it won't be the same - but we definitely want to support you however we can! congratulations, mama x 2 :)
erica

Kjerstin said...

Really thrilled that Evelyn is home with you! I love the picture of her and Norah together in the chair--sweet girls. Will continue to pray for you ALL as you continue... and continue... and continue to adjust. Love,
Kjerstin

Dan and Shell said...

So happy that your dream has come true & you are finally a family of 4!! Can I just say how beautiful you look after 40 hours of travel :) I will continue to pray as the bonding period goes on, for each of you as you find yourself in a new role with Evelyn. I am sad that you have to leave Spokane & know the very families that you are talking about leaving :( They have been great to you & will continue to support you from afar! I would love to get to see you one more time before you go, but if not know I will be watching & reading from here (okay, that just sounds creepy!! lol!) Praying for you & your fam!
Shelley

Alison said...

we will be praying for you - love your update and photos. What a beautiful family!

Kimberly said...

Such fun pics! God is so good and it has been a blessing to feel/be a part of this journey with your family. Love you all!

Ermine and Pearls said...

She is so beautiful, Kel. Thanks for taking us on this journey with you! It has been amazing to read about. I'm inspired by your family's love and tenacity.

Mattie said...

Praying for this time of many transitions. Who can blame you for a few tears!? Evelyn is just precious and your girls are so sweet together. SO happy that she is finally home!

hollypelz said...

Kelly, this was such a great post. I felt like we were having a conversation- you were so sincere and honest. Thanks for painting such a real picture of where you guys are at... I can't imagine being in your shoes, and adjusting through all this transition, but somehow, months from now, it will have passed and things will have started to settle. I'm praying for your heart and mind until then...

SueBo said...

Thanks for posting beautiful pictures and insightful commentary. We continue to keep you all in our prayers. Much love

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