Sunday, September 18, 2011

overwhelmed and understaffed.

Trust in the LORD with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him for He will set your paths straight.

We've been MIA lately on the blog - dealing with way too many things at once.  I'll try to give you a recap and maybe process more later.  I'm not as good at the processing later part.

I am sort of at a loss as where to start. Do I go back in time and try to relay what's been happening both physically and emotionally or do I just start to process with where we're at?  I think I can do a little of both, er I'll try.

Expectations.  They are hard. We've read a lot of adoption material and known families that have walked through adoptions - hearing about them and living them are two extermely different things. I think we had the expectation that things would be challenging and we are up for the challenge but it's not really too much fun.  We want to reap what we sow but, man in the midst of the past 2.5 weeks... there have been so many sleepless hours and countless tears and we wondered about what the heck we're doing!  We haven't once questioned the adoption or Evelyn's place in our family. It's more just the timing of the move and having it be over seas and then the adoption and family separation on top of it all.  It's been a tough ride so far - and we are expecting it to be that way for at least a few more months.

After coming home from Seoul David was in Spokane with us; but only for a week.  During that week we tried to grasp what we could with our time together as we didn't know how long the gap would be until we saw him next. 

We've learned a lot about Evelyn and it's been very challenging.  She has been honestly a pretty content little gal during times when she's rested and fed. She allows us to comfort her and even wants us to which makes it seem like some type of attachment is happening.  She smiles throughout the day and talks to herself (like all babies) and one of my favorite things is when she does peek-a-boo!  If I ever grab the laptop to check my email she crawls right over to sneak behind the screen and then boop over the the side with a huge smile.  It's fun to see more of her silly side.  We continue to pray and hope more progress comes with time and trust from all of us to her and her to all of us.
We celebrated Evelyn's baby dedication with our church family her in Spokane. We seriously love our community here!

We've had a lot of sleeping challenges. Evelyn's been sleeping almost solely in a pack'n'play.  We've had very mixed feelings about this but at this point it's all about survival and keeping sane. But, the bonus is, I have been able to get her to bed a bit earlier than me and have a little time to myself - thank you Lord! 

We met up with adoption lawyer while David was still here and the finalization roller coaster started.  We signed all the documents for court and found out about the possibility of waiting for the court date to take 2 days or 4 weeks.  In countless ways the Lord has shown Himself in our adoption journey and this is one huge way.  Even though the paperwork took longer than we thought it would (there were multiple things that had to happen between the lawyer, the adoption agency and social worker); one day the paperwork was turned in, the next it was approved and then the next we got our court date and finalized the following day!  Was the confusing enough?

Needless to say, yesterday Evelyn became a Blomgren!  She's now an official US Citizen and a forever part of our family. We are so grateful that she is ours and we are hers and that the journey to bring her into our family is over.  The real journey has just begun.
Since the adoption is final we booked our tickets to Germany!  We leave in less than 4 days. Honesly, there isn't much desire at all to leave (except to see David of course!).  The loneliness we know is ahead and organization of our home and readjusting two kiddos to another timezone just doesn't sound fun.  I know there is a lot to look forward to but right infront of me are some REALLY hard goodbye's and an overseas flight with two crazy chicks, at least four bags and a car seat.  Need I say more?!

Norah's been an amazing big sister. So loving so tender hearted toward Evelyn. When E is just throwing a tantrum Norah keeps saying "dis okay seester" it's truly adorable and warms my heart.  Also, when Mommy's been crying - yes, this has been frequent - Norah stops whatever she's doing and slowly comes at me with her kissable lips and just stares at my eyes and then hugs me.  It's too sweet.

More on how I've been feeling about adoption...

Evelyn has two less teeth than Norah. She weighs as much as Norah does now.  When Norah was 13 months she had one tooth and weighed in around 15 lbs. I know this may seem silly but all of Evelyn's teeth and weight make her seem older and I think makes me expect too much of her. I feel like she should know how to chew and eat table food better (this may be a cultrual change though). It seems like she should throw less fits - this could be due to the fact that everything she's ever known has changed, but still... it's hard to know when to sooth, walk away or just let her get it out of her system or even just give her what she wants (which is usually my contant attention and touch). And, is it age, history, personality or circumstances that make her such a spicy little one?

I want to be gracious and patient, especially with my kids. I'm definitely falling short. I know there's been a lot going on - not having a home, adding a new little to family, David being in Germany, visitors in and out and the anticipation of leaving Spokane and entering into a new stage but even so - I've been trying hard to estabish some schedule they girls can expect and be as consistant as I can during such chaos in our lives.

On the German side... David is ready for his girls to arrive!  He's been doing what he can around the house to make it clean and welcoming for us.  He's been lonely and truly ready for some compainionship.  I can't wait to reunite with him!  Our house hold goods have still not arrived so he's been living with the barest of essentials and I hope it's more relaxing than uncomfortable when we get there with no toys or dressers. It's not like we haven't been living out of bags already for more than two months!  One thing I'm most excited about is to cook and have my own kitchen again!


stef said...

It's good to hear an update! Just think about the future when you can look back at this time and laugh...maybe? Praying for ya!

Dizzy said...

Hi Kelly
Fellow Holt BB here. It may not sound it, but you are doing amazingly. It will get easier, especially when your family is in one place together. I know it will seem lonely being in Europe, however, Im here in Norway. Same time zone and I know how it feels. Feel free to get in touch if you want to chat or support (Im norsk mummy on bb). Take care and good luck with the flight;)

abby said...

Something that comforts me with my children, when they are doing something I do not understand-or sometimes know how to handle....I remember that God knows every little thing about their thoughts, emotions, person-and He chose ME to be their mama. You were chosen to be Nora and Evelyn's mama....spicy or sweet God knew you were who He wanted raising these little dolls that He created. Trust big. I thank God for the beautiful mother you are....truly!! Love you and will pray for your flight especially. Let me know if there is something else this friend can do,
Love you

Carey said...

I LOVE reading your updates. I am so glad your family will finally be all together soon. I am praying for your flight and a smooth transition into European life...You are an incredible mama to those two girls...

Leah, aka, Far From Perfect MaMMa said...

If I am calculating this should be on your way to germany. Kelly & david...I cannot fathom the challenge this last year has been for you and your family, however I think the timing for you to be in germany right now alone is perfect timing. Time to adjust with your family. to discover...everything...together. God knows exactly where you are at and how you feel. Find comfort, peace and STRENGTH in that. Miss you.

ericashorb said...

"is it age, history, personality or circumstances that make her such a spicy little one?"

I resonate with this so deeply as we have asked this question so many times in the last 18 months. SO MANY TIMES! And realize, that perhaps we will be asking it for years to come since each child is different in how they process change and transition and things turn up unexpectedly as life goes on. Yikes. It can be such a daunting task, and I, like you, fall short all the time. But the Lord arranged this adoption and will remain faithful to your family no matter what. He will give you the wisdom you seek and He can comfort Evelyn even when you can't or don't know how. I really empathize with you and look forward to seeing you!

Jenny said...

You're so dear. Do you know what I used to do when I had 4 babies all at once? It sounds so simple, but it helped. I used to sing "Jesus Loves Me" to myself and really think about the words. I would cry every time I sang "Little ones [including ME!!! not just my babies] to Him belong...they are WEAK, but He is STRONG."


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